Why did you marry him / her?

Let's talk about love.

When you fall in love it is natural to just go all in. It's an emotion driven by our heart which means our heart make us act and react to our surroundings when we are in love. In simple forms, love is blind.

Blind doesn't refer to the fact that we fall for people unwillingly, it means it literally blinds you from what's in front of you. Such as red flags.

Ever noticed how after or during a breakup you said to yourself Ï knew these flaws were there, but I thought it will go away in time". Well sweetheart, it won't.

Just like how you knew the red flags but chose to ignore them, they know they have faults but also chose to ignore fixing them, because you accepted them like that. But let's be honest here. Lover is a very strong emotion and we accept the stupid things for do for it because we believe love is a positive emotion. This is why when we react badly due to fear or anger we stop and say "what the hell am I doing?" and end up apologizing for things we did like use fowl language or insult someone.

I'm not saying you shouldn't allow love to take over, I'm saying that even if you do something for love you might need to apologize for doing it. Can't think of an example right now but I hope I'm getting the message across.

We've established that these very strong emotions may blind us to the truths about something. Like anger making you wrongfully blame someone or fear holding you back from exploring things. But do you know what is the one emotion that we underestimate because it doesn't feel strong and it just lays in the back of our heads, actively making all the decisions for us without even noticing. Doubt! Even worse, self doubt.

Did you doubt your decision when you decided to marry him, and I hope the answer was no! Did you doubt your breakfast choice this morning? Did you doubt going for a walk in the park the other day? No.

But did you doubt your capabilities when you took the new job? It's possible. Question is, did you still take it? Yes, good for you.

If you allowed your doubt to control you, you wouldn't have taken the job, you wouldn't have gone diving, you wouldn't have gotten a pet, you wouldn't have even gone out of the house today.

Doubt will actively stop you from doing anything and everything. If you doubt your capabilities and abilities to carry out something you will procrastinate and end up not doing it. Do you know how many things in life you would end up missing out on if you do not just try?

Just go for it. Go on that date, try that dish, kiss that guy, play that game, watch that show, cut your hair, get that dress! I mean what's the worst that could happen. You'll fail at it or you'll hate? so what? Try it to know. Try everything, just say yes.

This very much also applies to your marriage. Do not doubt having a difficult conversation with your partner, do not doubt attempting to hug him in the middle of an argument, do not doubt your cooking ability, do not your worth and what you deserve, and do not doubt to walk away if it is absolutely necessary but also do not doubt to fight for it until your last breath.

If you are already in post-divorce, doubt hits you much stronger and becomes the prioritized emotion due to the trauma. So don't doubt dating again, just try, it may be horrible and you may suck at it because you forgot how to, but just do it. If it fails, you can laugh about it later. Do not doubt your ability to take care of the kids on your own, because you will do a great job, because you are a great mother. Once again, you are driven by love for these kids and you will blindly do what it takes to make them happy.

So stop worrying and go live your life. You deserve it, your kids deserve it, it is natural to doubt something, it means you care. Just don't let it stop you. Try new things. I tried knitting, man do I suck at it but I loved that I tried it and I still practice twice a week.

Do not let self-doubt take over like you let anger, fear, and love do. Do not let it stop you because you can do whatever you set your mind to. Just live!

Now what?